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God, the world cannot satisfy my needs.
I thought that if I followed the world
I would be freed from the lust and the greed.
My sin swallows me whole,
It turns my heart black like coal,
And leaves me with a bruised soul.
The world fed me lies,
And, I thought they were wise, how foolish am I.
The world said they'd understand my pain,
Little did I know that they were binding me with chains.
You were always there,
Your face filled with grace, because you knew about my chase.
You knew that I just wanted to be loved,
After years of being pushed down and shoved.
The world gave me water, but it was full of shame,
And, I was missing a name,
That name was Jesus, the answer to my thirst,
Who gave me His holy water when I was at my worst.
For so long I was blind,
You were the answer I was looking to find.
It was You, who said,
“Whoever is thirsty come and drink”.
You gave me so much that I thought I would sink.
You, my Lord are my desire, for Your love burns bright like a fire.
With You Lord, I am complete.
You have given me a taste that is not bitter but sweet.
Finally, I found the answer I yearned to seek,
With the world’s water, I am weak,
But with You, I am at my peak.
Yeah I had an ephiphany
If people knew the real me they
probably look at me differently
I'm set apart, looking at life
from a different lens exposing the sin in me
I know I'm not perfect but at least I'm not scared to be me
People will try to tell you who the real you is cover your real voice
with an accent, I know sometimes I put on a smile on my face and act like everything's going great, but everything's crumbling down on the inside
I promise you I'm not actin
Feels like I'm on a stage got the spotlight on me, I'm what people expect me to be people look at me expectantly with expectations that I can't live up to, It's just another phase I told myself I grow out of soon
I know what it's like to want to be like everyone else, it's a disease that consumes you, it will eat up your insides till you scream and you cry, it's just another door people want to keep locked surrounded with the other baggage, let me tell you something there is no advantage to having permanent damage
I always used to think the deeper the scars the more emotion I put into these bars, but the damage is too much now my cup's overflowing,and Mr. easy going's problems are easily showing, whether he knows it or not is the real question, The world will sit you down in the most comfortable chair and ask you the same stupid questions: Why do you feel this aggression? Why are you making that facial expression ? Take this medication, I heard its great for depression stop trying to diagnose my problems, this is not a therapy session
God I'm going through a lot but it feels like you aren't there, I was told you you were walking right beside me but it feels like you aren't there I stand up for what I believe in but you don't seem to care, so I continued to live life in that same state of awareness that evil would always rule the world that I would get thrown into that fiery furnace like shadrach, miseach and abednego they say you preform miracles well I wan't to see them, How can I help others if I can't even treat my own condition ? They say you're the great physician well I wan't to be your patient but please be patient with me because you know more than anyone I have no patience
I know it's my own fault, it was from my own actions, I have built these walls brick by brick so nobody could get to me, I'm not trying to hide, I'm just scared to open up, some people tell me be who I am and open up,
my emotions are not a book they can not just be opened up
Eventually, those bricks turned into walls, those walls into rooms, Jesus keeps knocking asking to renovate, but I'm so fixated on the mistakes that I made I tell him another day, another day I wan't to sleep with my sin, even though I know I should open up and let him in, but I can't because I already dug my grave, my name has been engraved on that tombstone I've been declared desacead feel like I've been hanging to life barely on a thread, knowing that if I let go there would be bloodshed, my blood is blood red, I am on sin's deathbed
Those rooms eventually became a mansion, I know it looks pretty on the outside, that's just a distraction from the inside because I'm the main attraction, devil put a bounty on my head,running from the world because it is my assassin
The sad thing is this is not my reaction, there is still gravitational attraction to what the world gives me, I'm at a table of lies and are eating what they are feeding me, take their hand and walk with them even though they are misleading me, I'm friends with them despite how they they are treating me, I lie and cover up my bruises even though they just finished beating me
That's when regret came to my mansion and opened the door
He told me you may not know me but I promise we have met before
I was with you during those sins you committed
I was with you when you were at your limit
I'm your long lost relative who came to pay you a visit
You can do anything you want in my sight and I'll put it out of my mind
because I'm you, you're me, you are my design what you do is how you are defined
No one will accept you,aren't you tired of everyone rejecting you ?
That girl you gave your heart to, took it and lied to you
You are nothing without me, you made your bed now you have to lie in it
How long are you going to stare at your reflection in the mirror and lie to it ?!
I lived with regret too long, I knew I should've never let him in
I knew I should have kicked him out before he got comfortable and settled in
Now he goes around with me everywhere I go and doesn't want to leave
Used to believe I could still be me but that seems like just a dream
He eats me up inside and like a sickness infects me
But I leave him in there, because he's the only one who actually invested time in me
He talks to me when I'm going through problems
He reassures me that I'm fine, I don't need to solve'em
He gives me another perspective on life and makes me feel connected,
Tells me the world is just full of critics tryin' to correct you
They fear what they don't understand, remember I invented you
All these years, I have perfected you, protected you from all the rejection, life's how you view it right ? It's called perception
You say you want to change? that's hilarious you can't leave this place
You wan't to escape ? Where would you go ? What other mansion has these memories ? There is no remedy, everyone out there is your enemy
God hates sinners, this is your fate !
Maybe I'm wasting time crying over the past
Maybe I'm trying to reword questions that have already been asked
Maybe God has deserted me, I must have done something wrong maybe that's why everyone's been hurting me
I've been flirting with sin and this is just the consequences I have to face
I can't feel your presence anymore Lord? Why have you abandoned me ?
You said I was your child but sin has branded me
took ownership of me, like I was theirs
tears rolling down my eyes as it dragged me upstairs
Lord save me from my iniquites ! Free my handcuffed hands from the chains of regret ! I came face to face with my shadow and wish I would have never met it, cause it force feed me neglect and resentment, the feelings that I tried to keep locked away only for me to open them up for another day
Why are you still trying it's useless? You can't be saved
You tried getting rid of me before I remained unscathed
We've been through the same pain together we were always there for each other remember ? Both our hands created the same fortress, we sang the same chorus, I told you what your doing isn't wrong, people just don't understand your just complex
No I'm tired of listening to your lies ! You told me what to do and what rules to abide by, you told me who to identify as, my earthly desires you told me to gratify, my actions you justified, what you don't understand let me simplify ? I don't want you in my life bye -bye!
The "Christ" in Christmas
When was the last time you heard of a king coming down from heaven to a manger ?
When was was the last time you heard someone’s own creation treating him as if he were a stranger ?
When was the last time you heard of a child of destiny able to embrace danger shedding His own blood to represent empathy ?
When was the last time you heard of a man who went from riches to rags, such a selfless sacrifice placing His body into his captives hands like a slave being bought for market price as they rolled that pair of dice to leading them to what we call a fool’s paradise
When was the last time you heard of someone content with leaving streets paved with heavenly gold to sin- infestested, non-protected spit ridden stomach sickened ground that should have been forbidden for such Holiness
When was the last time you heard of the Creator willingly being degraded to the same level as His creation ?
When was the last time you heard of the Light of the world becoming so dim that even the darkness of sin becomes seemingly less grim ?
When was the last time you heard of the greatest musician of His own accord interrupt his own chord to play the most beautiful love song that is His Sacrifice ? A lamb brought to the slaughter, a judge who took our place for our crimes of manslaughter, a life guard who rescued our lives in place of His own, drowning in the high waters ?
When was the last time you heard of the author and perfecter of our lives gracefully organize the table of contents that is our lives ? One with the ethic of an workaholic that continued to write in his blood, sweat and tears when the ink of His pen disappeared ?
When was the last time you heard of a God abandoning His earthly presence fully knowing in the present He would become so invisible to us He would truly be a Ghost of the Holy Spirit ?
When was the last time you heard of heavenly power being tamed by thirty pieces of silver, a person who willingly placed a bounty on his own head for an assassin, a person who saw the car crash that was life and His seatbelt isn't fastened and He crashed in, the fire that burned inside Him brought down to mere ashes rained down in remembrance silently praying for us to see the resemblance
When was the last time you heard of a star having more importance than the son ?
When was the last time you heard of the present being wrapped in a present and taken for granted that ultimately left those empty-handed ?
When was the last time you heard of a gift so great beyond imagination yet is hidden behind a ribbon, an empty shell of forgetfulness and given to those who ask “ where’s the receipt ? “ the perfect mirror image between creator and creation diminished as reality slams against the concrete, the prodigal sons that sprinted away from His grace dirt between their cleats they treasured the gift more than the giver
When was the last time you heard of His followers who first walked on water, now drowning in the earthly festivities that is the holidays ? Suffocating from all the calls that they waiting for, concentrating more on their bond ratings than with their bond with the first 6 letters of Christmas it’s on thin ice that they’re skating
God’s Holy and perfect word tarnished like a dark shade of paint on a white canvas, His verses twisted like the slithering snake that Satan is, The great and perfect puzzle that now has pieces discarded, finding their way into presents, into ornaments, into stockings everything but Him
The words of enemy disguised as an angel of light whispering his lies into believers because it’s what they see with their eyes, the voices surrounding our heads like a schizophrenic “Did God really tell you ? Lighten up, it’s just gifts a showing of appreciation? You can skip church for one day after all you haven’t seen your family in months“ Little do we know that the forbidden fruit, the apple of our eyes is infected with poison as the devil inputs his voice in to our minds, coaxing us to take that bite how foolish of us ! We should be preparing for spiritual warfare instead instead of getting involved in black friday fights, we should be putting you in the spotlight instead of getting stage fright, we should be basking in your sunlight instead of counting up the minutes to midnight as the clock ticks the minutes that we’re racing erase from us and all we’re left with is fate
Lord forgive us, we bow our heads in reverence in presence of your honor, We promise to wear your memory like armor to deflect the arrows of the enemy
take us upstairs because we’ve been living in the basement chains clawing at our wrists that harbor our fists from reaching you
We wash our hands of this blemish within, the very sin that runs deep in our skin, use the same hands that nailed you to the cross to put across an eternal bridge that will never keep us separated again
When was the last time you heard of this ? Unfortunately I have, it’s called Christmas and it’s happening right now too fast and too soon as believers it’s our duty to shine His light and show people what the Christ in Christmas really means
James 1:17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.
1 John 4:9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.